This is a very important blog for me to write because I see so many people living miserable lives and I used to be one of them. My people-pleasing-empathetic tendencies held me captive most of my life —overcommitting to things I didn't want to do, staying in relationships and jobs longer than I should have, silencing my thoughts for fear of hurting someone's feelings.

Born with a desperate need for approval and perfection, it only took a mere look of disappointment on my dad's face for me to correct my behavior. It wasn't until my late 20s that I started to break from this cycle that was leaving me stressed, unhappy, and unfulfilled.

Everyone's journey to freedom will look differently, but I think the breakthrough will be very similar. One day you just wake up with a different perspective.

For me, I started an anonymous blog when I was 24 to just vent and rant the truth. The truth about my mistakes, my failures, my friendships. It felt so good to get out the feelings I'd accumulated after years of being a doormat.

Eventually, I said, you know what?

No more being anonymous. These are my stories. This is what I lived. It's ok to talk about it. Who cares what anyone thinks of it and who cares if the people I’ve written about see it? These are MY experiences just as much as theirs and I have a right to tell it.

I was so sick of tip-toeing around everyones expectations and feelings about my life.

Well that act of bravery was short lived when some of those people actually DID see the blog. And they didn't like it, lol.

And a few of them threatened me with libel suits who didn't understand much about libel. My first reaction? OH NO THEY ARE MAD AT ME! DELETE THE POST. DELETE THE ENTIRE BLOG. MOVE TO THAILAND.

And then I had an epiphany (besides that I'm really scared of the types of bugs and cuisine in Thailand) it's OKAY for someone I don't even want in my life to be mad! And guess what? I'M MAD TOO. That's why I'm writing about it to begin with. Because I'm mad and I want to deal with it. And that's my right.

That was the catalyst of me getting my voice. There were many more steps to follow: learning how to say no things I didn't want to do, learning how to cut toxic people out of my life, learning that people respect honesty, and my opinions are nothing to apologize for. Had it not been for this breakthrough, I would never have had the guts to break off an engagement that was totally wrong.

How To Free Yourself And Find Your Voice

Get Perspective. Realize that in 10 years, you won't even talk to the same people. Can you even remember who you hung out with a decade ago? Their opinions on your life decisions literally mean nothing. Few friends will last a lifetime, and they will love you no matter what your choices.
Assess. What are your goals in life? To be the most fake and agreeable person ever? Or to be respected as an interesting and independent person — a truth teller who is REAL.
Say No. Once you start to say no to things you don't want to do, it becomes easier. You will also become addicted to the feeling of not dreading a commitment you never wanted to make - you will feel a thousand pounds lighter. My favorite excuse, "I'm booked, sorry." The end. *Also, stop thinking you need to give 1 million excuses as to WHY you can’t do _____ thing. “I can’t” is enough!
Detox. Get rid of the toxic people in your life who put the pressure on you to over-commit. The ones who make you feel bad or get defensive for giving your honest opinion. The ones who degrade you for your decisions. The life-suckers. The ones that you find yourself being "fake" around. The judgy ones. Your time is too precious to spend this way. BYE!
Realize Perfection Is Nauseating. It's unrealistic and unattainable. And frankly, the very appearance of perfection is annoying. The Stepford Wives. The Influencers With An Airbrushed Life. It's all so stupid. Why are you trying to be perfect? FOR WHO? Everyone knows you're not — so why waste so much energy pretending? Plus, it’s completely unrelatable and you’ll find it’s harder to make meaningful relationships.