From 2 Weeks To Stop The Spread To WW3

So, it’s been awhile since I wrote anything — on social media, or here, or anywhere. Which is interesting considering my best writing usually comes from sadness and I’ve probably never been more depressed than in the last two years. This time in my life could only be likened to my first real breakup: uncontrollable tears, followed by all the pizza, smothered in isolation and insomnia. It started with two weeks to stop the spread and has ended with temporary insanity and WW3.

Election season, remember that? Seems like a lifetime, yet it was only a year and a half ago we were all at each other’s throats and losing friends in the Facebook comments section over our beliefs. And I did — indeed — lose friends. Did you? One in particular was quite a loss, and I’m not sure when I’ll recover, but that day certainly hasn’t reached me yet. I can say that I never have cut someone out of my life for their beliefs — but all this has made me realize that I need someone equally as accepting of me. So was it really the friendship I thought it was, if I wasn’t allowed to be my true self? Probably not. But it was definitely something.

I read hundreds of messages on my Instagram from people saying they had also lost friends — and worse yet, family over this political season. And I just want you to know: I’m sorry. It’s such a senseless loss. We have to learn how to listen to and accept each other.

Quarantine was interesting. I basically shut myself in for two years for fear of passing Rona to my parents. Historically, I’m a very social person, thriving on human connection. However, I think something changed during these past two years — maybe in part due to the natural drifting of friends and the unfortunate loss of others. It has put me into a different mindset, like maybe life is easier when you’re less connected. Have you experienced the same?

Friendships are interesting and I sort of put them into two categories: soul connections and drifters. The problem with the former is they make life worth living, but they are nearly impossible to find. The drifters, on the other hand, are everywhere. They remind me of a summer fling— you fall hard and fast, spend all your time together, make a bunch of premature future plans until one day, something stupid happens and you never speak again. All that energy: wasted. All those amazing memories: instant sadness. All the cute pictures you took after 75 tries: delete. Is it worth it? I’m not sure.

The soul connections happen differently — evolving more slowly, over time. They navigate rough terrain and come out unharmed. Even better sometimes. They’re the people who see you, who get you, and who love you in spite of.

And it hurts like hell when you lose em.

Sometimes I see myself headed for a more isolated life and for the first time — I might be okay with that. Me, Cole, a greenhouse full of flowers, a laptop to write on. Throw in some snowbird action from January-March and we’re set.

Oh yeah, we moved. After a 3 year long search, we closed on a house in January 2021. This was actually a good time to move, given there was nothing else to do. Needless to say, we initially thought the house didn’t need much work and we were sorely mistaken. I knew this before— but living in chaos just isn’t my jam. I don’t thrive, in fact, I want to jump out the window at all times.

I couldn’t even list all the things we’ve done — from mold remediation, to rewiring the house, to replacing the insulation, to building upstairs laundry, and painting almost the entire exterior ourselves (literally couldn’t get anyone to call us back). We are just now completing the main level, and moving on to the upstairs.

So I quite my career. Yea, I think 11 years of wedding photography is probably enough for anyone. Cole and I had some great clients and experiences, but will be happy to have summer weekends back for good. During quarantine actually, I started getting some ideas about what my next venture will be. And although I can’t discuss it just yet — it does involve writing and I think you’re going to love it. In case I get kicked off social media (likely any day now) sign up for my newsletter and I’ll tell ya where I land.

And just as we thought Rona is letting up — there’s a war breaking out across the world.

What a crazy couple of years, and in a few months… I’ll be 40. Talk about crazy. I don’t feel a day over 63, what a blessing.

Of course I am joking — we have much to be thankful for, a few things to be sad for, and a lot to pray for. It was good to get some of those thoughts out of my head, thanks for listening.

xoxo,

Brit